Living under a shadow

I didn’t feel consciously fearful – there was just something there that I was aware of . I felt that I was living under a nameless shadow.

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As many;  of you know I was diagnosed and treated for Breast Cancer a couple of years ago. I now have annual checks to make sure that the cancer has not returned. For most of last year I didn’t give much thought to it but as December arrived I was conscious that I was anticipating the mammogram I would be having in January. It was most definitely on the radar!

In early January I had the routine scan and then the wait for results began.I had no reason to fear; my oncologist had told me that he didn’t expect to see me again  but I can tell you that I was looking to see if that letter was in the post everyday. When it came, it was good news.

I didn’t feel consciously fearful – there was just something there that I was aware of . I felt that I was living under a nameless shadow. I have spoken to others who have had a cancer diagnosis and they all say that you are never the same once you have had cancer, it changes you – because you can’t go back to how it was before.

I suppose my nameless shadow was fear. The thing about fear is that it is irrational, you can’t reason yourself out of it. There is no reason why I should be  more fearful when I have tests  or less fearful when I haven’t – it doesn’t make sense. That’s just the point. Fear doesn’t make sense. It is a slippery thing.

I am sure there are many things that come into our lives that change us forever, things that are painful or difficult,  or leave us with a kind of shadow over us – it’s not just cancer. How do we all walk through it

I often recite to myself: “God loved me yesterday, He loves me today and He loves me tomorrow.” God does not change. Nothing will ever stop Him loving me. He will always be good towards me even when my circumstances are tough, He does not changeFile_000 (21).png

He is with us when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death (see my blog here). He never leaves us or forsakes us. His perfect love helps us with our everyday fears.

We are not meant just to cope with difficult things; we are called to be more than conquerors through Him who loved us. That means that these truths are not just to help me cope with the fears surrounding cancer but I actually have the means to rise above it. It doesn’t mean that I won’t ever have cancer again but it does mean that I can live free from fear and the shadow. What does a more than conqueror look like? I think it is someone who although they experience fear, they take courage and press on and live lives to the full believing what their Father says about them. Courage doesn’t mean the absence of fear. You can’t be courageous if there is nothing to fear. More than Conquerors are able to live through any difficulty and still experience joy. The promise is that Jesus strengthens us, we can’t do it ourselves but He will.

Just recently a friend of mine went to be with the Lord. She had been ill for several years and in pain for some time but she unfailingly had a smile on her face and she did not complain. She loved and served God with all her heart. She certainly was a More Than Conqueror.

I don’t always live like that, sometimes fear creeps up on me but it is where I am aiming for. I am going to lift my eyes to the hills where my help comes from, take courage in both hands and live the abundant life that my Father has promised me.

How about you? – I’d love to hear from you

 

Photo credits
Shadow landscape pixabay
Text created with wordswag

 

 

 

1 thought on “Living under a shadow”

  1. So right, Christine. Sometimes, fear is SO slippery that one doesn’t even realise it’s there! We’re all different personalities. Our lovely friend ALWAYS had a smile on her face all through her life so I think practising being joyful in all circumstances strengthens us for the fearful, shadowy times. Thinking of the “shield of faith” and how Roman soldiers fought with their shields locked together Being courageous is easier with others willing to stand alongside.
    Thank yoou.

    Like

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